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Jim Davidson

The Happy Loser

Some time back a friend told me a funny story about his wife that was so good that I wanted to share it with you. He said that one day he came home from a meeting and got the shock of his life. His wife told him that she had just returned from the liquor store.
There were two primary reasons why he was so shocked. First, they live in a dry county and the nearest liquor store is in Palarm, about 15 miles away on the Faulkner-Pulaski County line. Next, he teaches a couples Sunday school class and, needless to say, for his wife to be seen going in or coming out of a liquor store would not be a good witness for the Lord.
However, he gave her credit. She took great precaution and planned it out very carefully. She did not have much pocket money, so she went to the bank to get cash so she would not have to give the liquor store a check. She also took the back way in the hopes that no one would see her van, as it has a paint job that sticks out like a sore thumb and everyone knows and can spot it a mile away. At this point she told him the rest of the story. Because of some problems that she has been having with her arm, a medical diagnosis had revealed that she might have a slight case of arthritis. One of her friends told her that Paul Harvey had been touting a concoction of gin and white raisins as something that could help to relieve the pain. Not to leave you hanging, you mix a pint of gin with a box of white raisins and then stir it once a day for nine days. When this process is complete, you eat 10 raisins each day until they are all gone.
Because of this conversation we were both laughing and it reminded me of the fellow who had a race horse. At least he thought it was a race horse. However, when he got his horse out and ran him around the track he would just barely get out of a slow lope. Then the man remembered reading somewhere that you could dope up a race horse and he would run one last dying race -- he would really move out. At this point the man got to thinking about what kind of dope to use. He finally decided to use a little “white lightning”, which is to say a little moonshine whiskey. It took some doing, but he finally got about a pint down his horse’s throat.
About a week later he was telling a friend about the race. He said, “I wish you could have been there to see my horse run. They shot the gun and he bolted out of the gate, his tail was sticking straight out, his ears were back and when he came around the final turn dust was flying and rocks were breaking out windshields.” This fella said, “Well, did your horse win?” This man said, “No-o-o, my horse didn’t win, but he’s the happiest loser you ever saw.”
My friend concluded his story by saying, “In a way this story kind of applies to my wife. We can’t tell whether or not the gin-spiked raisins are helping her arthritis but I can tell you this for sure, she is happier than she has ever been.” Not long after this experience, I told this story at a Chamber of Commerce banquet and a lady said to me after the meeting, “I don’t know if you were watching my husband or not, but he was laughing so hard that he almost fell out of his chair.”
In the Bible we read in Proverbs 17:22: “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” In my opinion, we all need to have a good laugh from time to time and really enjoy life. I hope you are not like another lady who came up to me after another speaking engagement and said, “ I want you to know that while you were telling some of those stories, I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing.”
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(Editor’s Note: This is one of the columns in Jim’s new book “Better than the Best.” For a personally signed copy, send $20 (includes postage and handling) to Jim Davidson, 2 Bentley Drive, Conway, AR 72034).

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